We’re counting down to the most exciting weekend of the year – Weekenda.17, which this year promises an even better, more interesting, and larger edition of HR.Weekend. As this year, HR.Weekend will move away from the usual business and HR topics by introducing new and more modern interdisciplinary themes in the field of psychotherapy, Prof. Dr. Nataša Jokić-Begić is here to guide us away from the typical “musts” and bring us back to a world where being average is okay.
Is it okay to be average?
“In the dictionary, the term “average” is defined as “one that does not stand out for its properties or characteristics; ordinary, like the majority’, and when one reads the definition written in this way, it becomes even clearer how much the value system in which we live has convinced us that it is insufficient to be ordinary and not stand out. Instead of thinking how pleasant it is to be like the majority.”
These are the words of Prof. Dr. Nataša Jokić-Begić, head of the Postgraduate Specialist Study in Clinical Psychology at the Faculty of Humanities and Social Sciences, University of Zagreb, and a licensed cognitive-behavioral therapist. If we dig deeper into the facts about averageness, we find that many people are indeed average, and only three percent of them are above average in some aspect. But why then do we all strive to be above average? Why do we push 97 percent of people to do everything to be in that top three percent — in the three percent that only has room for just that many, no more? And what do we gain from this?
Prof. dr. sc. Nataša Jokić-Begić points out that the norm and aspiration to be above average has been imposed on us since we were little, when we were told that we had to be the best version of ourselves, when we didn’t even know what decimals were, but we knew that 5.0 was something good, something we should strive for. And while such as mindset is great for society, “because we have a huge amount of people fighting, striving for goals, competing… It’s terribly difficult for an individual.” So, we come to the answer to the question “And what do we gain from it?”. We get 97 percent of people who are unhappy and more and more people who are going through a mental health crisis, while trying to achieve above average.
“The implicit imperative of 5.0 is transferred to all aspects of life. The problem arises when, in some aspect of life, this imaginary criterion is not met. Then, some people are overwhelmed by a strong sense of inferiority, accompanied by anxiety. It is worrying that more and more young people struggle with the belief that they are not good enough because they are not the best,” highlighted Prof. Dr. Jokić-Begić, adding, “If we perceive averageness as harmony, which it is, then it is acceptable in itself. Being mentally and physically average brings more health, happiness, and a better quality of life.”
In the fight against excellence
It should be emphasized that being above average is not bad, but a gift that has its price. A gift that should not be impose on everyone. But how do we resist the pressure from our surroundings, as well as from ourselves, and put an end to all our “musts”?
“Resilience to pressure is individual, but generally, we could say that younger people are less resilient than older ones. Therefore, it is the responsibility of the older generations to point out anomalies in society when they notice them, and this obsession with ‘excellence’ is an anomaly that already has its consequences in the form of deteriorating mental health,” responded Prof. Dr. Jokić-Begić, who is also the president of the international association for the research of stress, trauma, anxiety, and resilience (The Stress, Trauma, Anxiety, and Resilience Society – STAR Society). Although she often jokes that she is “in a jihad against excellence,” Prof. Dr. Jokić-Begić has focused her work in the postgraduate clinical psychology program on educating young generations of psychologists, whose knowledge and work will influence future generations.
Identify two to three areas in life where you want to be the best
Finally, when asked what she would recommend to young people who feel pressured by “musts,” Prof. Dr. Jokić-Begić replied: “Ask yourself what you would want for your child. I am convinced you would answer health and happiness. Period. And you know that both are fragile, that life will bring illness, misfortune, problems, and suffering, and that it won’t be easy. So, do we need to impose even more stress, unhappiness, anxiety, and sadness on ourselves with ‘musts’? Some ‘musts’ we won’t be able to avoid, and some will even be desirable, but don’t let there be too many. Choose two or three areas in life where you want to be the best you can be, where you want to be the protagonist, where you will give your all, for which you will ‘fight,’ and which you will want to have written on your tombstone. And in the other areas, it’s okay to get a 3 because that means you’ve done well enough.”
Learn more about this pervasive topic and much more about research on stress, trauma, anxiety, and resilience at HR.Weekend from September 19th to 21st in Rovinj. You can find information about the new, bigger, and even better edition of HR.Weekend here, as well as on Instagram, LinkedIn i Facebook.
